a few months ago...

i abandoned this blog... having no desire to write or share my experiences...!! perhaps it was i just couldn't find a way to articulate my thoughts... there were a few outside influences that kept me away.... but nothing worth mentioning... it is...l believe passion... guides me... it is within my heart an empty space...the void of life preventing me from wanting... anything really...
losing myself in a black hole... swimming around trying to find a way out...!! i suppose life has it's own ideas for me... a destiny not yet discovered... for many years i knew my path...it was teaching and being a mother... i know longer teach...and honestly can't imagine myself back in a classroom... often i hear..that's where i should be...or what i should do... but for me...i no longer feel the passion i once did for teaching... i know longer feel i have what it takes to teach....believing with all my heart...."the day i stop learning is the day i stop teaching" sometimes i miss it... i miss the interaction with the students.... the look on their faces when they experience success or complete understanding... oh and that smile...when they have created a masterpiece... what a glorious magical moment it was each and every time... the one thing i can say about teaching...is i never ever had one of those days..dreading my work...!!! i loved it... and always will... hold close to my heart the years i spent making a difference...with so many students... and hopefully the difference i made lies on the side of good..more than the other...
it's been two years since i've graced the halls of the school i spent 10 years in... and to my great delight...still to this day...at least once a week...i hear someone say..."miz oshel"... a smile stretches across my face...while my heart warms a golden glow.... i suppose we all have those moments... being remembered... "you were my teacher...do you remember me?" sometimes i do...but sadly sometimes i don't... recently...i spent a few hours talking to one of my former photo students... i do remember...emily a pretty girl...tall and blond with big blue eyes....very quiet... her quiet days are long since past...she has found her voice...as a mother...a wife...and a beautiful spirit... it brings me great pleasure rejoicing in her success and happiness...!! fortunately for me...she has fond memories...of my class... as i hope many do...!!!

as the new school year begins...i feel a longing...missing the hustle bustle of getting back in the school routine....not only for myself but my sons as well... the daily grind... of bells ringing...be here now...be there now...time for lunch... funny how it still feels like i should be back on the bus... doing what i do so well...making copies... preparing my first day of school speech... which i had down to a fine art... !! but it is... i am here in my back yard... looking at my new fence... listening to the ac... roar...wondering what the hell it's doing on...in the first place....!! wishing...i was heading off to my work place... making a difference...doing what i love...wishing... and wishing...i had what it takes again...to do what i do... lost in this life...without any place to go... wishing...and wishing...for a new day... a better way...a life i want to live...!!!