william shatner....! what am i saying... ? not realizing my silly words were really worth analyzing... and for those of you who don't get it.... life is getting the best of me right now and i'm trying to feel something... anything... to know that this is not it... within each sentence written is a moment... i have experienced... nothing significant... just my simple silly worthless spot on this planet... perhaps my words confuse...or make no sense...but then i find...i have never made much sense nor has this life...or what people see in themselves...or why people spend so much time being bored or sad or not funny or not happy...or just not being anything at all... in my honest attempt to emerge from this place i have never been...it's my ramblings.... my thoughts... trying to find purpose...
there is nothing to understand... so... it's perfect to just nod and smile....
thank you johnL....for the kind words preempting the faulting of my blog... thank you mikeC...for adding the william shatner comment....not sure wtf that means...but okay...
many years ago i bought a book titled..."the artists way" this book was written to help artists with the creative flow... the unblocking of barriers.... building creative energy....one of the first steps is to write 3 pages of random meaningful...meaningless thoughts.... a day... from my understanding this means...to write whatever comes to mind...... perhaps i got this wrong as well...
i don't want some guy to buy me shoes... i don't want william shatner to read my words.... i just want to wake up from this place that never seems to end...and i don't know how...for the first time in my life...i don't know how...they say...nothing lasts forever....the tarot card says my future looks full with happiness and abundance.... but for now...i'm stuck...the quick sand sucking me in... deeper and deeper...with no way out...
i see no future...i see no purpose...i see no reason... deleting yesterdays blog.... which shouldn't have been posted in the first place...it's all true of course... but after reading the one comment...i realized how suddenly my life... my words were subject to criticism... to not so nice comments by others... perhaps i should try to write to please others....perhaps then you who need to understand...could...would...
doing everything i can...just to stay awake...just to not completely give up.... the truth is...i just don't have anything significant to say... i'm not a political junkie...i'm not a contridiction to what i say i believe.... i don't need a man to identify me... i don't need to say i'm something i'm not....i'm just trying to survive... and that's becoming more and more difficult...
anyway...what woman in her right mind would not want a new pair of shoes...?
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