in the end.... i find myself

doing something i've never done....

people come....people go..... our lives are full with people... their life stories... listening carefully to every word... the day when the child was born... the wife divorced long ago...another country... another time... pictures as a young man...a father of two....a wife so beautiful.... the old black and white photograph placed carefully on the chest of drawers... the father above...the son below... photo album after photo album in arms reach... photographs of his life... of his family... of his future....now only images...memories...

a panoramic print of an ancient city in germany...hangs loosely on the wall.... another reminder of his life... the city the oldest in germany.... named after augustus.... ausburg...a beautiful fortress built by the romans.... a domed cathedral stands tall over looking the city... another with spires reaching to the heavens...showing a time line... romanesque into gothic...

his new home...small in comparison to what i live in...but ginormous in comparison to the trailer he lived for 7 years... only a bed...a built in sofa...all the real needs in this modern age... refrigerater...stove/oven...running water...washroom...dining room....compact and cozy....

75 years have come and gone.... he now lives alone.... two red chairs sitting side by side...a table in between.... a small television keeps him company...while the sound is muted and the music of mozart.... fills the room....looking through the tiny window in the door...i can see him resting... his eyes closed... perhaps remembering....not wanting to startle him... knocking softly at the door...he opens his eyes and looks at me...a smile stretches across his face as he slowly gets up... walking across the room to welcome me in... hugging me gently...hugging me with such kindness and love... a few minutes pass... we talk of this and that.... this wonderful man... i have been so blessed to know... not nearly long enough... says to me... i need your help... responding with...whatever you need....!!! "will you help me write a will... i want to leave everything to my son mark" his hands shake uncontrollably... each day the disease has more power than he... making a list as to not forget... it begins with the will....the bank account information... then he says..."i want to be cremated".... asking me to contact a friend... who gave him a name....now misplaced... making sure i had everything listed... we chat a while longer.... i look around his new home...everything perfectly placed.... he seems comfortable...content...

upon returning home...i spent my afternoon...researching last will and testaments... contacting his son.... letting him know what has been asked of me... and what i will need from him... responding with such gratitude that i am taking care of this for them... telling me the last time he was here... he told his father they needed to get all the paper work in order.... the father refusing... he now understands this must be done... thinking to myself... he just didn't want to burden his son... he didn't want his son...to go through all of this... he is a stubborn man... even in his weakness...his failing health he does almost everything for himself... rarely letting anyone help...

talking to his bank... finding out just what he needed..... finding out the name for cremation...telling his son this was his fathers wish.... a most difficult task.... another lists filled with information.... a last will and testament...a power of attorney.... an appointment to make after departure arrangements... everyone is so kind... providing me with all the necessary information...without hesitation... a softness... almost sadness in their tone...for a man...they have never ever known...

how much time do we have....? not so much....

he spends his days...comfortable... he is happy to have what he has... he asks for little... he is ready... getting everything in order.... he has a story...a beautiful story...filled with family... success....travel...adventure... pride... and love... reminded of my own father... and his last wish of me... to manicure his hands... carefully taking each finger...massaging them... cleaning his nails... saturating his hands with thick creamy lotion... my fathers perfect hands... old and tired... sitting next to him on his bed...watching the strongest most wonderful man i have ever known..dying...

do i have the strength to watch another... die... do i have what it takes to bring him comfort and happiness....

i don't know how many days...weeks or months this man may have... however i do know... i will be there to laugh with him....to listen to his stories... making sure...he is not alone... making sure he knows his life made a difference...making sure he knows he is loved....