i find myself....

wanting to retreat from the world.... give no cause...or reason of mention... assumption this... accusation that... it seems there are so many...who have nothing better to do with their days...but find reasons...to make others feel bad...or cause hurt or pain....slinging words of so called wisdom...... who am i...to say he/she...is...did... ? when... what i know is 3rd party information...or rumor mill...grapevine...gossip....with very little truth or knowledge...

i want to believe...there is love.... to know there is purpose.... if i keep trying... the more i grow...evolve ... somewhere along the line...to this day...in time....i forgot...what it was to try....to give a damn about anything... becoming more and more aware...there are only a handful of people...who really care... who... listen to our words... look into our eyes...and see who we really are... the essence of human life... illuminated....in every color... the good.. the bad... the ugly...the beautiful.... sometimes i wish i could be invisible... to not be the target of assumption.... to not hear....words of destruction... stealing the spirit of a life... not of your own... what is this arrogance...that walks the same streets as i....who are these people who criticize... dismantle another persons world...or claim they know more.... who are these people who imply they are friends... or they care...when all they do...is destroy.... they take and take...they hurt and hurt... under the disguise...of meaning well....

every now and then....getting caught up in the latest gossip.... he did...she did...can you believe... guess what i heard... excusing myself upon repeating....saying...don't repeat this....because... or don't quote me on that...because.... and then...after the words spill from my lips... remorse engulfs me... for being so stupid...for allowing myself to act in a way.... i despise... gossip destructive.. hurtful... gossip.... did i really just fall for that....?

from this day forward....i will remember....that he...she is human... that they too deserve love... and light...to be more aware of the words escaping my lips... take time....to listen...to look into their eyes...to understand...support....lend a helping hand.... to give of myself unto others...to be true...honest...loving....kind...caring...supportive.... non judgmental....to remember... each person i encounter has their own story....their own purpose...their own love.... and it is not my right... to in anyway....take from that human life....

i give thanks this morning...for my sons....my family...my friends... for this life... granted to me...so generously... i give thanks....for the lives before me and those to follow.... i give thanks for the love that fills my heart... for all the beauty...surrounding me...