to be the big 5-oh... time....time....time....flies by...at warp speed.... only yesterday... 365 yesterdays ago... i turned 50....(leap year) so excited... feeling a rite of passage...into a new woman.... being 50 has been incredibly fulfilling..... i love saying... "i'm 50".... along with the response of "NO WAY" .... only one birthday...digit change...bothered me...26...my golden birthday... in my mind... that birthday....represented ....the crossing over....from kid-hood...to adult-hood... no longer could i really get away with childish.... behaviors...or actions... it was time to grow up... leave behind the precious years of youth... at that time i had been married for 3 1/2 years....owned a home... had a job... playing house... living life as an adult...just didn't really feel like one...
now....25 years later....
my life is more like that of a 21 year old... it's like starting from the beginning...with some added shit....i have very little responsibilities... my sons are grown... i'm not married...it's just me...doing whatever i please when i please... no one to take care of... or...making sure homework is done....or... mouths to feed... all the things that occupied 20 some odd years of my life... the only real difference in being 50 almost 51...and 21...is.... expectations of others...
so as bid farewell...to the big 5-oh.... it is with a bit of sadness....and at the same time a mountain of gratitude.... i have learned so much.... i have felt the rite of passage... in so many ways... things that used to be of importance to me...are no longer important.... i don't rush...and panic...i don't freak out over the silliest things... i'm not exhausted all the time....scrambling for an extra hour in the day...to get everything done... i find myself...more introspective...understanding...and grateful... it's been incredible....
tomorrow...begins a new journey... a new year... a new chapter....in my life.... a goal oriented... focused...and meditative chapter.... the beginning of....I CHOOSE... to do this or that.... ....setting in motion a path in which I CHOOSE to follow... making changes... resolutions.... following my dreams....my heart....filling my world with happy love filled people.... resurrecting... my creative energy...manifest...a beautiful reality....
my new life.... begins with...
deliberate.... happiness.... love and light...
the last few weeks....i have grown...and learned so much... as difficult as some lessons are... they are lessons....worth learning.... a smile...stretches....from ear to ear....heart felt resolution... clearing the way for new discoveries.... wonderful experiences... a life of love and joy... saying good bye...to a lot of not so good stuff... and hello to the yummiest of yummies...
i am most grateful...for my sons....sending them both love and light through the power of the holy spirit.... i am most grateful for strength within...to get up and do it again...for the love that surrounds me... the clarity that engulfs me.... the knowledge...and wisdom...that escapes me... my friends....god thank you for my friends....mikeC...Jming special mention... thank you for my family....cousin kimmy and calvin...
thank you for...this lovely day...filled with magical...moments...
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