intuition....is

a powerful tool.... and at the same time...a haunting tool... knowing without knowing.... feeling it but not quite able to pinpoint... exactly what i'm feeling.... sometimes it's so strong...and has a name... attached to it... others.... just a feeling... raising my heart rate...the rhythm of my breath accelerates.... turning away....not wanting to listen...to know what i feel is right....wanting it to be wrong... the thing is....it's never ever wrong... it's always right... with this comes a paradox... i've learned to accept as part of my journey...

it's like someone saying..."i love you" and then a second later....hitting you so hard...you fall to your knees... in shock and pain... it has long been my belief...that "actions speak louder than words..." time and time again... this has been proven... and since...95% of communication is not the spoken word... my belief is more accurate than not...

upon my return from costa rica... i have been hiding out at my house... only spending time with my sons...and a few friends... for fear of losing this incredible happiness.... for fear that all the unhappiness....all the sadness....most people i know here...are consumed with...could somehow... take it away....or they would do whatever it took to squelch it... the moment of my return... i could feel the sadness hovering over the city.... just above the street lights... there it was... like a giant fire breathing dragon... ready to sweep down.... and suck from me all the beauty i had found... all the happiness...i had absorbed....the hope and magic... deep inside my soul....

i feel like costa rica happened for a reason... it wasn't just because... it had purpose and meaning... i stepped outside the velvet rut....and walked upon the light of happiness... i found something there...i had long lost... the sense of real...what life is about... why i am here... feeling hope... and adventure.... knowing there is more to this life....than what i have been living... there is so much good in this world...so much love...and kindness.... in every single petal of every single flower... is the truth....in every shade of blue....of green...there lies...magical powers... in my moment of weakness....i turned away...from everything i knew...i turned my back...gave up on hope... gave up on myself... the possibility of this life... in a moment of weakness....i shed a tear...for all i have loved...and all i have lost....in a moment of strength....i remembered... so much...so much more than i ever remembered before...

this life has been good to me.... oh...yes there are days...when i feel i am drowning... in a toxic pool of crap.... but inside me...flickers....a flame of hope.... dancing about.....filling me up....letting it rise and sing....the song of life... i'm just beginning....to build again...to find my dreams.... to walk away from anger...and sadness.... to smile upon my neighbor.... to speak....kindly... to share...openly....to welcome...love... to be... alive...

intuition... reveals the truth of things... without words... it's just in the gut... the heart... it can be protective...it can keep me from danger... but most importantly...i know before you say the words... before... it actually happens... i know!!!