happened yesterday evening....why i panicked the way i did.... my heart began to pulsate so hard...so fast...i could hardly breath..... my head spinning into a dizzy swirl....like i had just seen a ghost....the room became a fog.... barely able to stand...holding my head with my hand.... i made my way outside of the restaurant... people staring at me...are you okay..... yes yes...i'm okay... leaning against the wall just outside the door.... trying to regain some sense of consciousness.... trembling.... dizzy....a family approaching me....looked at me.... are you okay... you're as white as a ghost.... !!!! yes yes..i'm okay....
soon two firemen came out of the restaurant....to check on me... are you okay...i stood... motionless... unable to speak... focusing on the two men....one 6'2" or so...the other 5'10...11"...making out their faces.... their clothing.... both wearing blue ball caps...blue t-shirts.... the smaller fireman wearing a jacket....finally whispering... yes yes...i'm okay... they stood their staring at me....a kind... concerned look... staying with me until mikeC came out.... he too was concerned.... have you never seen a gun....he asked.... yes...just not that close...
it was a gun... in a holster on a mans hip...not 3 feet away from me.... the man had been there 10 or 15 minutes.... before i noticed it... i looked over my left shoulder...at his uniform... my eyes....gazing downward at the man seated with his back to me....and there it was...a gun....a gun.... the man in a brown uniform....having dinner with his family....his wife...his daughter 4 or 5 years old and their baby.... nothing out of the ordinary.... but the gun.... the only clear vision remaining from the dinner.... the gun... flashing in my mind.... like a strobe...
i asked myself....why...why at this moment in time...did i react this way.... i remember telling mikeC....i equate guns with murder and death... still this was a very odd reaction... it was as though an energy much more knowing than me..... a telling of sorts... a fear deep inside...emerged with such intensity...i lost all control... it felt as though i was no longer in my body.... like i was having a premonition.... a powerful.... feeling of something dark... so dark.... consumed me...
eventually i gathered my composure enough to drive home....shaking....trembling...blurred vision.... still asking myself....why... it's not like i had never been around guns .... it's been years and years....more than 30... as a child... i remember my father and brothers...shooting guns...clay pigeons... quail hunting... my brothers would set bottles up...as targets and shoot away at them....
was it real...or my imagination...or just a deep seeded fear of guns...? i may never know why this effected me the way it did.... but then again.... maybe i will!!!
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