the tao in the art of things....

in this life.... we are all handed our own little deck of cards.... how we play them... is another story.... my deck is this bazaar innate ability to make things... even as a child i would sit alone....for hours and hours making things.... i used to think.... i did this because of the constant pain i lived with...in and out of hospitals... another surgery... another hospital... another city... another night....another lighted parking lot.....looking out the picture window... at the emptiness....the lined asphalt... wondering...why am i here... alone again in this strange... cold place... as a child.... the pain was so big... so constant... never ever ending... the only comfort...i found was in the art of things...
i've never considered myself a great artist... or for that matter a master of anything... on the other hand...there isn't much i can't do... with respect to making things... the one constant in my life... has been the ability to transform one thing into another... a yard of fabric into a dress...a plate of steel into a piece of furniture....a collection of cereal boxes into a castle... a lump of clay into a vessel... etc... lately my medium of choice has been landscaping... playing in the dirt... laying rock...planting flowers, shrubs and trees... strategically placing each... a balancing act of color... height...width... shade or sun... getting lost... in this project... literally time passes and i have no idea where it went... there is the beginning... which is getting all the tools and materials needed to begin the work... then the process.... into the end... the end...sometimes is premeditated... sometimes not... the beginning and the end...are always the same...aware of each moment.... it's the middle... that is different every time.... it is while i'm involved with the actual creation ... my mind... my body...my heart... become one.... there is this place...i go...some would call the "zone" where space or time do not exist... getting lost in the art of things... it's like being asleep...wide awake... i used to refer to my art as an energy inside of me...something that's been manifesting for years...and one day it's ready to escape me... become tangible... who knows where this comes from...or why... it just does... interestingly...when i have completed the project...the art... i am no longer a part of it... the only time i am is while i am building it... there have been several occasions when a piece of work has caught my eye... walking upon it...not recognizing it as mine...then suddenly realizing... i made that... that's my work... seems impossible...but true...
another lesson in tao...ism 101... my friend described the tao in the art of things... it is now... i have a tiny grasp on tao...ism... tiny... however one step closer....i think...maybe not...maybe now i'm more confused than ever...