to this amazing life of mine... it's so cold outside.... it's pretty damn cold in my house too... the heater in the living room blew last week... i'm guessing it might be 50 degrees in here...not bad.. considering...what it's like outside... i'm all bundled up...nestled under layers and layers of blankets... my head wrapped in a velvet scarf....wishing i had a pair of gloves.... the tank top...sweater and fleece jacket are helping some..... just my fingers and nose...exposed to the cold... the window next to my bed... leaks a bit...letting the cold air in... contemplating a fire in the fire place... oh...but it's too cold to get out of this cozy warm bed of mine...
i didn't realize how being so cold can make you so tired.... sleepy feeling... my eyes blink in slow motion....lingering closed...then reopen...... this is fucking crazy.... why am i so happy....even more crazy...don't ya think...
a few weeks ago...when i thought to myself.... i can't imagine living another 20 years... having to do this for another 20 years... it makes no sense... the struggles are much to great...the lack... much to sparse... so...i have to put it in the right perspective... i do have so much more than many... but i've never had this little in my entire life... i've never been cold....i just don't want to live the rest of my life like this... oddly... others who have so much more...are not nearly as happy with this life... they don't seem to see the fruit on the trees... the stars in the sky...the love that surrounds them... and they have so so much to be grateful for... the warm house they live in...the food they eat....the hellos from friends and strangers.... the kindness of so many who reach out...and show them how much they care... they have so so much... to live for...
i don't know the answers...but i do know...that somehow somewhere...the strength comes... nothing last forever... and change is always happening... always it comes... i know that there is still so much more to live for... so much more...to experience... so much love out there....
today...i give thanks for warmth...for this cozy warm bed...my home...my beautiful sons... my family... my friends.... i give thanks for the new heater that comes to me today...the hot shower i get to take... for all the wonderful experiences... i get to have....for the 5 bucks in my pocket... thank you for this day... this beautiful ...tuesday... for all the magical miracles...of this life... for believing in all the possibilities....anything is possible... thank you... for this holiday season...this time when we get to give ..... the smile... on the face of another... thank for the laughter of children... the phone call from a friend....and the love that surrounds me...
merry merry....to all..and to all...lots of love and light...
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