thank you for

taking this life away....thank you for taking this life away...thank you for taking this life away... repeat repeat... wet roads.... foggy drive north....riding shotgun...staring... out the window... the country side...lays dormant...gray and misty... rolling hills....branches bare.... thank you for taking this life away.... repeat...repeat... arriving in stillwater... car loaded with boxes and paper for packing... an extra heater...to warm the tiny duplex...

life changes...constantly...without warning it hits... plans...for a better tomorrow... only to find... tomorrow is the same... no move west... another semester in school... another dream...interrupted... the bad guy wins again.... thank you for taking this life away....repeat...repeat...

in a dream awake....hwy 33... 4:30 pm... 70 mphs....staring out the window.... the country side lays dormant....gray and misty...rolling hills...branches bare....the door opens....falling from the car....body flying through the air... hitting the asphalt...sliding... rolling over and over ... plunging into guard rails... spinning...spinning...slower...slower.... mangled..... blood ridden.... broken body....lays lifeless.... thank you for taking this life away...repeat repeat...

momentary lapse of reason...

tired from the disappointment.... tired from all the shit.... tired of pretending everything is okay.... tired of believing my dreams will come true... wanting so....to throw in the towel... give up... just give up....

the truth is... with each day...my life gets worse... the shit is piling up...mountain size... i don't know how to fix it...i don't know where to turn... i give up... i quit...

so today i say thank you.... thank you for the strength to let go... the strength to do what i need to make a difference...thank you for giving me this day... my sons...my friends who i love dearly...my family... thank you for fulfilling their dreams and mine.... thank you for this mornings horizon just before sunrise...the ever so beautiful oklahoma...orange magenta...sky... thank you for this holiday season...time with my sons.... thank you for the ability to see the truth... thank you for all the disappointment... thank you...for the struggle...the heartbreak...for this day that lies ahead... thank you for possibility... thank you for the abundance...in my life... for my health...for believing....thank you....