wonderful wednesday....

this is my favorite day of the week... for a really silly reason...i was born on a wednesday..... at 6:55 a.m....february 26th 1958..... long time ago...but in the scheme of things...not that long ago...

mikeC came over for dinner last night... i was a bit worried he wouldn't come out from under his new extra soft fuzzy red blanket... but he did... i actually learned some things about him.... things that took me by surprise...and at the same time... made perfect sense...

as all of us...there are so many beautiful..wonderful aspects...elements....of our lives.... some.... difficult for me to understand...others come quite naturally... mikeC....has become...a very dear friend to me... more than one could ever expect a friend to be.... i don't think in my life...i have ever had a friend...quite like him... it's funny to watch others respond to our chatter...the way we talk to one another... some... it offends...others have this look of "what" on their faces..... we have our own little place in this world...that no one else...fits into... i am most grateful for this friendship... for mikeC... he is an amazing man... an amazing human being... thank you... for coming into my life....and giving me the gift of your kindness...your understanding... your insight....your knowledge...your perspective...and experiences....

well it came... the expected dear john letter.... "glad we can still be friends..." sugar coated with lots of kind words... a nice... let me down easy letter...via email... my favorite actually.... just for the record...i have a great deal of wonderful qualities... i suppose another thank you is in order...

so while i light another cigarette... take another sip of coffee...plan my day... so much to do... i realize...nothing has changed... to speak of... the clouds are gone...the sun is out... lucy is laying next to me...i still have bills to pay.... my bed to make...a shower to take... errands to run... a life to live... crazy...how one day....someone is there...and the next not...and everything is still the same.... maybe today... something wonderful will happen....i will win the lottery... my true love will walk up and grab my hand...look into my eyes...and we will stand in silence...no words... just feel the thing we've both been missing our entire lives...the love...we've searched high and low for... oh...wake up already... slap slap...pinch pinch... i think i just got lost in a happily ever after fairy tale.... i was actually wearing a beautiful white gown... bows in my hair.... glass slippers on my feet... oh...and little blue birds...fluttering about....whistling...beautiful love songs...

okay...really i'm sad...i liked him...he was cozy...and warm...he is a beautiful man... and i am grateful....no really i am grateful...especially to have had lots of great...incredible...wow.... sex with him...oh no....okay...i did just say that... he was good... one of those lovers... that....got it right every time.... i will miss that...okay...i'm being honest here....a good lover is hard to beat...ha!!! you all know exactly what i'm talking about... i know you know.... this is the problem i have.... i seem to equate... sex with love... for sex to be really good.... for me...there has to be a connection...deeper than the skin... there is this freedom...that exists... the perfect dance... no thought...the innate primal... raw... wild... sweaty... dance... that is so rare...so incredibly exhausting... it feels like part of you... it feels like the missing link... an extension of your own body... moving together...with such sweet...intensity...such passion... you never ever want it to end... holy shit....i'm getting all worked up...ha!!!

i need another cigarette.... puff puff....goes the weasel... oh wait...that's the magic dragon...

so here i am... alone... not lonely... i have a smile on my face... the wonderful feeling of gratitude... of a new day... all the wonderful...beautiful people in my life...the things i have...the abundance... the miracles... the realization of how blessed i am...the warmth in my home....the hot shower...i'm getting ready to enjoy... the food in my belly.... my sons coming home today... the smile on my face.... the successes and failures of my life... the love that surrounds me.... the magic... of this moment... life is truly amazing... thank you... thank you...thank you....

wishing you all... a day of gratitude...of happiness...of success...and love...lighted with possibility....