the end...is near....

of a rather quiet year... the year...i turned 50...a rite of passage..... i like to think of this last year as a time of reflection....a time of rebirth... a year i discovered...a great many things about myself... while i have struggled financially...i have grown leaps and bounds emotionally... mentally... finding comfort in the tiniest things... the healing power of laughter...of gratitude... the ability to live alone...finding true friendship in the most unlikely places...

it has been... a year filled with triumphant moments.... a year filled with loss... a year filled with dreams...and disappointments.... accepting...and realizing... the most rewarding has been my sons.... the men they have become... they are truly the light of my life... for me...there is nothing better than being in the company...of my sons..... those two guys...are always full with surprises... they are my greatest gift....ever.... they are my unconditional love....!!!

another...wonderful experience presented itself last night.... there have been many changes occurring in my life lately... healthy...positive changes... perhaps that's what 2008 has been all about...awakening...and it has taken this entire year...to finally get here... anyway... a few years ago...a woman told me... that all artist are depressed suffering people..the only good art comes from darkness... of course i argued with her...telling her...not my art... i cannot create when i'm depressed or sad... many times right after my father passed away... people would tell me to re-channel this sadness into my art... couldn't do it....for me to create...i must be happy... i must feel alive...and love... well....last night...the boys were out doing their thing...just me...ollie and lucy....hanging out here...and suddenly... i got this desire to make something... so i went to the hardware store...bought a can of propane... and some gummy worms... came home...got out my jewelry making tools.... sitting on the floor...surrounded with yummy litttle trinkets to play with.... to reinvent... i began...twisting and bending the wire... soldering... it all came back to me...like riding a bike... it's been so long...since i have had this desire... it's been so long since i have sat alone and created just for the sake of creating.... i made 3 little pendants...of sterling... and had a blast... so it is...that flame...flickering into a ginormous fire of happiness...is happening... it's not just my imagination.... it's really really happening... the hope...the gratitude...the love... it's all here...ready to explode...into something incredible...something magnificent...

even this morning...i had one of those knowings... one of those... i better get things ready...because it's coming...it's just around the corner... always before...when these messages come... they have been true... so whatever it is...i am ready...and i am grateful.. and i am excited...

thank you...for this year of reflection...of growth..and accepting... for understanding...for this new found strength...for my beautiful sons...my beautiful friends...my beautiful new life... thank you for each and every second that has brought me to this place....this perfect...beautiful place...