hiding out....

staying home....warm inside...the fire blazing.... cracking wood.... quiet days... into night... not sure how i'm feeling right now...kind of in the middle of nothingness and awakening... i so love.... january winter weather...slowing the world around... days like these are for healing.... being alone... or with family...hunkered down at home....cooking...reading...playing cards... i think of snow days....as FREE days... a free day to do whatever you please... take a long hot bubble bath...listen to your favorite music....watch a movie or two... just be... without being.... everything slows to a snail like pace... people have to come together...in tiny little places....talking and sharing...thoughts......across the room a man with the sideburns... catches my eye... his short haircut... baring his handsome face....finally... i feel lust... something worthy of my eyes....candy they call it... not take him home candy...but flirt and lust from afar candy.... this town is too small....to take someone home that any of my friends know.... he is one...that too many people i know..... know...so for a while...i will enjoy his handsomeness... and his return of glances.... secret smiles.... both knowing....this is all...nothing more... no naked skin... late night phone calls... no sharing dreams... cooking together... no... quiet nights on the front porch... drinking wine... laughing.... love lust...in the night....

on my left...the warmth radiates... on my right...the cold penetrates..... in the middle...i lay.... wishing... for a new day... searching deep in my soul...for the missing link...the reason... this life has lead to this place... my decisions...my dreams....shattered moments...friends adoration... lost in this life...this skin i wear... why has my road...disappeared.... altered state of being... mind racing digging deep... waiting for spring... slip slide...my way through.... realization...resolution... the truth prevails... understanding.... more each day... is it over... is it just beginning....silence falls... light shines.... upon his face...revealing... what it is i came here for...