unexpected....warm

sunny wednesday.... couldn't help but spend the afternoon outside... did a bit of writing...ran into a dear friend...a friend i used to spend almost everyday with and now i rarely get to see... we talked about her upcoming wedding and her new role as a step mom... we must have talked for over an hour about....our lives...and all the changes.... it was as though the years between us have stood still...she was like a sister to me... as she departed she said... i didn't know what brought me here today...but now i believe spirit lead me to you...

my home is quiet again... the boys are gone... and soon they will be back in school... another adjustment.... i love having them here...even if they are messy...use all the toilet paper... eat every morsel of food in the house.... i still love it...and when they are gone... i miss them horribly....

yesterday...mikeC and i ran some morning errands... taking a drive to edmond...he and i both feel the same about that insane community... one i spent more than my fair share of years...working in....needless to say...i cringe at the thought of even passing the "welcome to edmond" sign... luckily mike takes the most bazaar routes to go anywhere...when he should turn left...he almost always turns right... and vice a versa.... i have come to enjoy....the sight seeing adventures... and find myself laughing...asking where are we going....? we drove through parking lots of shopping centers..one on purpose another...by accident..... instead of I35....he took the service road... making our way back to the city... chatting about... the box...he seems to live within... while he doesn't want to deal with the chaotic...crazies in the business world he still surrounds himself with extra-ordinary people... i told him...when i walked in to the red cup...monday...there was a man sitting at the table he was... not recognizing this man...i immediately thought...who is this crazy person... his hair long gray and straggly...like that of some lunatic... who should be wearing a straight jacket...as i circled the table i could see his profile...recognizing him...i still couldn't help but think how crazy... down right scary he looks...i then told mike... when he wears those outfits...he looks like he needs to be locked up...mike said... the horrible ensembles were selected by his wife..who...i might add...dresses like she chooses her clothes from the disco wardrobe of the 80's barbie doll collection.... every time i see this woman...it's all i can do to keep from bursting into a full blown laugh...are you serious... the most ridiculous outfits...only compared to the 70's Sonny & Cher show...when Cher would play the character of Laverne...(i think was the name)... wearing leopard print too tight knee length pants with some crazy blouse...high heels...nothing matching...cat eye glasses with the glasses chain wrapping around the back of her neck...her hair...all ratted up beehive style...like it had not been washed in decades...no shine.. with the exception of layers and layers of hair spray... this is not an exaggeration... when this couple...d & j walk up... it's always a sight to see... not to mention..her attitude towards those of us...she appears to think are below her...i would be one of those... ha!!!

all of this...was in reference to his box... he lives within.... the box...i was referring to...had more to do with...allowing himself to enjoy things that he wants to enjoy...but refuses to allow himself to enjoy... something i don't understand...is...he always tells me how people refer to him as boring...personally i've never heard this...but for some reason he believes this...perhaps it is he finds comfort and...this thought fits perfectly inside his box...the thing is...mikeC is anything but boring... he is full of information....Witty comments...he listens...and always has insight to things... life experiences he offers as comfort or advice...mikeC boring...i think not.....

i suppose we all see ourselves..in ways others do not...we are... our own worst critics... insisting this or that...to be true... the one thing i have figured out....life is full of surprises... people come into our lives...jazz us in ways...we never thought possible...they fill us up..with crazy emotions...we have no idea what to do with...they love us... and hold us... some just make us want to scream.... as mike said a week or so ago...we can't help who we are attracted to... i couldn't agree more... however...i find this to be a most exciting adventure... never knowing... who will give us what...or make us feel a certain way... the friends... who comfort us...unexpected gifts on the doorstep... and phone calls... or the man who collapses before your eyes... and you do what you can to save his life.... the crazy outfits....the old friends...lovers... the warm days in january... calling us to be outside... kind words.... smiles....hugs from friends... i'm hoping for a better day... today... a better year... some reconciliation to the changes...the constant ebbs and flows...highs and lows... on this day... i will do my best...to see the good...the glass half full...cry a little less...smile a lot more....