saturday....sunshine...

smiles upon me... !!! here i go again.....with elliptical...meandering...meaningless ramblings.... words written to sooth my soul... a therapy...of sorts... getting out...the thoughts...trapped inside... making room for more....meandering meaningless... thoughts...to be written...

day 2 of this new year....i spent at home.... lots of turmoil... swimming about in my brain... losing myself...my worries... playing... game after game of solitaire... taylor left around 3... and then it hit.... everything exploded inside... here come the tears... so i let out a big one...the cry of all cries... my body heaving...nose running...tears pouring.... it was the all consuming... boiling over... the top... let it all out...cry... i just couldn't face the world yesterday.... i just wanted to hide... coming to terms with the choices i've made.. over and over...reflecting on each step...each move...each wrong turn... all leading me to one...pivotal moment.... exhausting all other possibilities...

i have got to do something....i refuse to live like this anymore...i am at my limit... and if something good...doesn't happen within a very short time...i will be forced to take matters in my own hands... i see no other choice...

setting some goals...very real... must get done goals...no exceptions...... this is it... the end.... i have had 3 consecutive...rotten years...and will not go through another one...i just won't... drastic situations...take drastic measures... enough is enough...

there are so many men wearing hard hats in my back yard right now.... clearing away tree branches interfering with the electrical lines... it freaking me out....and i want to leave...but i don't want them to see me...so i'm hiding inside...hoping they will finish soon...

i am determined to have a good year... i'm determined...to get it right... to fulfill my dreams...and make my life...the best ever...to have that shining light of love...with me all the time...thank you...thank you...for the love of family and friends...for the abundance in my life... the wonderful little surprises...and miracles... thank you....thank you...thank you.... thank you....