no major life

changing experience occurred yesterday....whew...well in my life anyway...

this morning....taylor is hustling about getting ready to head out to LA for a few days with a couple of buddies... his flight leaves around 7.... it was one of those spontaneous decisions...just before christmas....booked a flight and off he's going... a welcome holiday...after the disappointment of his move to breckenridge fell apart... he's already enrolled for the upcoming semester.... and made an appointment for a job interview upon his return next week...

leighton on the other hand....is way involved with his social life...busy...coming and going...i never know when he will appear and disappear... the life of a 20 year old on winter break... his best friend leaves in a few days...for a 3 month stay in rehab... court ordered... he's a really good kid...just made some really stupid decisions... his academic record is one any parent would be proud of... mostly lacks common sense... not to mention he is a star athlete with a full ride to OU.....we are all...in full support of him... and i know...this will be difficult for leighton... however when school starts up again... he will have one less distraction... which will be helpful for his own academic performance....

i just got the good bye hug from taylor...he's off to the airport... wishing him... a wonderful holiday...

holy shit....the boys have left a mess in the living room.... clothes...and crap everywhere...

i suppose the saying a mothers job is never done...is more true than not....

this morning.... i feel better than i have in days... like there is hope on the horizon... strength building inside ....new visions.... of possibility... solutions...to some rather difficult...situations... yesterday...my horoscope...said..."Something you value but lost will be restored to you today, though it may not be in the form of a tangible object"... all day....i thought about this... what is it i have lost... that could come back.. intangible.... i've lost so much in this life time... i've gained... and grown...i've raised two amazing sons... my life has been full...but lately... i have lost all hope... could not find a purpose... feeling like i have completely...failed at everything.... perhaps it is...the loss....is the return of hope.... of possible solutions....

i have been blessed....with the most amazing people...in my life... there are no words to describe the kindness....the encouragement... the love that these people have extended me... they have listened...watched me cry...held me when i couldn't hold my own... it is as though...they see in me...what i can't see myself... i can't recall a time in my life....i have ever...known such love.. so many people...coming to my aid...standing by me.... i hope...some day...i can give back to each of you...what you have given me.... thank you...with all my heart and soul...thank you...